Next week I leave Germany and continue on where my travels left off. I have been here for three months, and while I will return for Christmas, the world is calling and I must go. My feet are itching and opportunities await.
Over the next few months I will have much to explore, new people to encounter, old friends to hopefully meet with again, and ample time to focus on my writing. I have a new novel I have been working on and I am very excited to be able to take the beautiful story that is mapped out in my brain and let it flow through my fingers and take form. Much of the groundwork has already been written, and all the foundations in my head are solid, but it takes time and patience to turn an idea into something beautiful and that I should have in spades for the next little while.
The truth is I have two novels mapped out, but there is only one I have any interest putting my energy into. When I think of who I was when I wrote Polarity and Indecision and now look at myself as I am focusing on my next novel, I feel like I am looking at two different people. That is a good thing, and it will hopefully keep my writing interesting rather than repetitive.
So while it is goodbye Germany for now, it is also hello world and nothing has ever excited me more than jumping into the deep dark waters of the unknown. One cannot write big if one does not live big first.
Wales. It has treated me well this past month. While I have spent my entire time exploring the Northern half of this beautiful country, I can only assume that I will someday return. When I landed here I knew nothing of its beauty, and when I leave, headed for England, I must say I will miss it. I will miss its gorgeous coastlines and incredible mountains. I will miss Snowdonia. I will miss the kindness and quirkiness of the Welsh people with whom I somehow feel I fit in. I will miss Wrexham where I spent the majority of my time and made good friends. There are just some corners of the world where you sense that the majority of people are happy about their place in the world and simply existing, and this is one of them. Wales. The chats with random strangers. The friendliness of passers by. Laughs shared, songs sung… when it all comes to and end next week it will all be carried forward in my heart. I am so glad my journey brought me here.
In the past month I have visited several towns, many of which the names I can barely pronounce, and all of which have stolen my heart. The weather has been kind, the food has been good, and while the mountains have left me in awe it has been the Irish sea that has stolen the show. How I had missed the sea, not having really seen it so purely since last year. Growing up with access to the open ocean, I hadn’t realised how much it was part of me until the past few days here in Aberysthwyth. I got the first sense of it on the bus along the coast to Conwy. There are so many places here worth exploring, I certainly hope I get another chance to come back here and explore them further/again. I would like to see more of the South as well one day, but for now, my journey will take me in the direction of Nottingham and the English East Midlands area. I feel good about my decision to explore a different area of the UK rather than the typical tourist hotspots, because it really does feel like another world here compared to my time in London a few years ago.
Cheers to future adventures.
I have been in Ireland for 9 weeks now and Ireland is wonderful. When I got here it was all about the frost (and we even had a little snow), and now it’s all about the daffodils. I have certainly been through some ups and downs whilst staying here but also I am incredibly proud of myself at confronting a few of my fears that I had been avoiding for a very long time. It’s just proof that you need to occasionally put yourself out of the box to challenge your comfort zone and build on top of the greatness you already have inside. Not that I’m calling myself great, but I can see my potential now and that’s a fine thing.
In just shy of 4 weeks I will find myself in Liverpool, and by then I hope to have completed my transition into veganism. From all I have read it is a good place to be a vegan, as is where I am headed in Wales after that. That has what this year so far has been about: learning about myself and trying to figure out why I’ve been so unhappy. When I reconnected with vegetarianism a month ago I rediscovered myself. I had spent so long ignoring my core principles and feeling guilty for them that in the face of everything I know it was eating me up inside. Then I learned more, and it was the first time in a long time that I had found a passion for something again and I knew what I had to do to take it further.
I am not going to preach veganism here, that is not what this blog is for, but I do encourage you all to look within yourselves and ask yourself if your eyes are open or closed to the world around you. Ask yourself what you really know about what you eat, who you compromise your ethics for, and how much you know about the political environment of this planet we call home. Your core principles are your own, but if you are unhappy try and find a way to align what you practice with what you preach. None of us is perfect, and it isn’t about perfection. This world is flawed, but it won’t get better unless we do something!
I have travel plans booked up until the end of June, but I still am deciding where I want my journey to take me after that. Luckily I have plenty of time, and plenty of options. The important thing is I know the vibe I want my journey to take, and I am generating ideas all along the way of all kinds. Useful ideas that I can see bettering my life for the foreseeable future. Business ideas, book ideas, and I am happier and more confident that ever before.
“But it’s not just another day, is it? Another coffee; another sunrise. It’s not just another bus ride or plane trip: it’s saying goodbye to a dream you just fulfilled, a new home you found on this earth, and new friends you discovered in your heart.”
I wrote this on the morning of my departure back to Australia after spending over a month backpacking through Japan. If it was sensible to say an entire country could be your soulmate, I believe I would declare Japan as mine and I was full of melancholy about leaving it behind.
There are lists upon lists of things one should attempt to do in Japan. The “must-see’s” and the “must-do’s” of experiencing the country. It can become overwhelming, and the one thing I found while talking to other travellers and residents was this: there really is nothing you can do wrong! When it comes to your own personal journey of exploration here the Japanese have created an environment where even a wrong turn leads to something magical. No journey compares to another. So long as you are willing to see and experience what comes your way you will not be disappointed.
I have been wanting to write an appropriate post on Japan since I arrived, but nothing has been poetic enough and the task of selecting a photos from the plethora of moments I have captured along the way is seemingly impossible. I have come to the conclusion that the spirit of Japan cannot be captured, and that the cultural experience contained there has to be absorbed rather than defined or described. Japan gave me earthquakes, sakura, autumn leaves and snow.
Japan I miss your flavours.
I’m sitting here, drinking my coffee, staring at a piece of toast wondering what will become of me? I am here again, ready to embark on a trip to another foreign land that I only know about through words, pictures and pieces of film. Nothing prepares you, because a new place is rarely like anything you’ve ever encountered before and it rarely is what you thought it might be, it’s so much more. There is such greatness in uncertainty.
I’ve been pacifying myself for weeks and months trying not to be too eager, not to get too frustrated, not to get too ahead of myself so that when the time comes I’m open to every experience that is presented to me. I don’t want to be locked into any preconceived misconceptions or false fairy-tale ideals. Life is not a fairy-tale, but it is an adventure and that is exactly what I’m so keen to have: an adventure full of scary, delicious freedom.
I want to be scared because that gives me a chance to confront myself and grow. I want to taste what the world has to offer because there are more flavours to the world than we could possibly consume in a single lifetime. I want to meet with the open road and throw my old ideals out the window to make room for new insights. Perhaps one day I’ll eventually figure out a way to process and express all this newly obtained knowledge.
What it all comes down to is this: I am not running away from routine, I’m running towards change. Change is so important. It’s wonderful. It’s something to embrace rather than be threatened by. Adaptability is an asset, a strength, and there is nothing that requires adaptability more than an adventure. No one can tell you how it will turn out, where it will lead, who you will meet, or what obstacles you will encounter along the way.
So what if the unknown is scary and that some of the experiences along the way might be a harsh mixture of bitter and sweet? Nothing will prepare you for what it feels like to chose your own direction in life. Adventure can be found starting a new job, getting married or a many number of other ventures. It can be found anywhere that you dare to seek it out. Take the bull by the horns and really show yourself what you’re made of and live.
So don’t waste your time judging other people’s affairs. There is no logical reason to make comparisons between your journey and theirs. If someone’s daring adventure is starting a family, embrace it. If the call for you means throwing yourself into a different country, take pride in it. Not everyone was made to grow in the same direction so cheer on and encourage those who are running enthusiastically toward great change in their lives.
For me, today, it means taking a bite out of my toast knowing that in a matter of days I will be taking a bite out of a completely different culture. I can’t wait to drown my every sense in Japan. I look forward to being overwhelmed and in awe of everything I find. I can’t wait to wake up amid this upcoming escapade and see what I can learn from it. Japan: if you’re willing to be my teacher, I’m willing to be your student for five weeks of the unknown.
What a way to see out 2016 – an emotional roller-coaster of a year already – and get me ready for my 2017 life teaching English abroad. It is crazy wonderful how time moves our desires around in circles until we reach the places and maturity levels needed to go after them properly. I don’t think I would ever have been able to fully appreciate the opportunities presented me these next 12 months at the level I currently am if it wasn’t for the pain, hardship and sacrifice of my past. It has made all of this that much sweeter.
I have a confession to make: I’m addicted to searching for quotes on Google that inspire me. I am very picky about what I like, but when I find that perfect quote that looks as good as it makes you feel (big praise to those great people with amazing typography skills) it works as an awesome mood booster. I know for a fact that I’m not alone in this obsession, the internet’s abundance of “quote imagery” proves that, but as far as time wasters go I think this is a fairly positive one.
“Once you learn how to be happy, you won’t tolerate being around people who make you feel anything less.” – Unknown.
I think if I had of read this quote at any other time in my life I probably would have kept scrolling, but after being on the roller coaster high of a lifetime and then coming off of it and tripping over all sorts of messy and unnecessary road bumps, I’ve now reached a place where I actually got it when I came across it today: We are all in control of our own reality, no one else, and we are also responsible for our own purpose, direction, and the people whose lives we opt to put our energy into. Our choices are everything, and they’re especially important when they’re not easy.
“The best project you will ever work on is you!” – Unknown.
Don’t forget that the value you put into yourself will become the value you pass onto others and the world around you. There is a huge difference (mammoth, really) between being a self-centered or selfish human and the idea of working on making yourself better with the intention of benefiting the whole world and people that surround you. The current social state of this planet has proven it can be incredibly mean and unfair, but that does not mean you have to be. The phrase if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em does not apply here. Fight until you are forced to walk away. Work on yourself and push your limits. Don’t coast through life, and learn to recognise the difference between people who also want to build themselves and those who just want you to do the work for them.
Ask yourself these simple questions:
- Is what I’m doing building me into a better person?
- Can what I’m doing be shared for a greater good (either now or in the foreseeable future)?
- Am I doing the work needed instead of making excuses to get out of it?
If all your answers point to yes, then you are on a wonderfully constructive path. That is your reality, so cherish it. Don’t over-complicate it because success is measured in many ways. If the answer was no, things can be changed. That’s the beauty of life!
Let me get this out of my system from the very beginning: travel is not a story that ends softly to reassure you that all loose ends find their rightful places. This is a reality, my reality, and it is not always perfect, pretty or fair. You do not need to know who I was before I got to the Balkans, how I became such a shell of a person – that story will leave you with a bitter taste in your mouth – the only thing you need to know is that I have been reborn somehow. I have been reanimated.
I have been struggling to put Kotor into words. The two or so months prior that I had spent in the Balkans I had written home regularly. It was exhausting. I am a writer, sure, but I always feel as though I’m writing for other people. So, I stopped writing, and it was freeing. What I was feeling seemed too indescribable to me anyway. How on earth could I appropriately describe Kaitlin or Jake? How could I ever capture Danilo, Vlado or Moco in even the best formed sentences? Impossible.
I could certainly have described the beauty of the town, the mountains, the bay of Kotor. I could have created a detailed representation of Old Town Hostel, a place and people who I grew to love on such a grand scale. It was another home for me, another family, one who taught me how to have fun again and let people in more than I had before. I often say I don’t believe in love, but Kotor I believed in. It was a crazy, messy, kind of love. It was easy and awkward at the same time and I got addicted to it.
While I know the party goes on in every place after you move on, walking out on this one hurt more somehow. I mean, I have done all the things I did in Kotor in other places sure, but there it was different and I know the answer to that riddle lies with the people I spent my time with. I honestly can’t picture my life clearly before my Montenegrin month. Obviously it existed, but my slate has been wiped clean. Thank fucking goodness.
There are people I don’t feel like I got a proper goodbye with. There are friends I know that I’ll need to see again one day to feel complete. I’m so lucky my return to Germany reunited me with my running gear and armed me with a nostalgic music playlist to keep me both distracted and motivated or else I’d go mental. This way I can take care of myself and stay real for the people around me here. I remember the ugly tears, but now I can smile at the flashbacks as they hit me, hoping there’ll be another round.